Kayla 18

Our parenting has proven to be a good balance of discipline and warmth. Kayla is very close to both of us, but of the two, she is closer to me. She seeks out our advice on important issues or questions that are a bit beyond her experience. Although she was no superstar athletically, she enjoys many physical activities.
Kayla got into a good college and will be moving away from home and into the dorms at the end of the summer. She had part time job over the school year and we hope she continues it over the summer. Socially she had normal arguments, stayed home for a short while, and then resumed her normal social activity. Recently, Kayla and a few friends took a road trip to check out some nearby monuments and national landmarks. They got lost a few times, and called me for advice. I asked if they had a map and they laughed and said "No!" They eventually bought a map and ended up having a good time. Overall she is emotionally a normal 18 year old girl with a positive outlook and excitement on things. Her senior year she took a psychology class and found her friends coming to her for help. One of Kayla's high school classes did an exercise that tested the kids' level of moral thinking. The exercise presented them with various scenarios and moral dilemmas that forced them to decide their course of action based on two morally difficult options. Kayla seemed to be particularly engaged in this topic, and gave me some of these scenarios over breakfast for a few days. She loved to debate the best course of action. All along Kayla did well in school, had good friends for the most part, and maintained her place positively in our household. I think because we were consistent and worked hard at our parenting from the beginning that it is no surprise that Kayla turned out successful so far.

We had sort of an authoritative approach with our parenting of Kayla and I think that is why she productively navigated through adolescence. We tried to openly discuss things and monitor where she was and who she was with. She had a few instances where she made choices counter to what boundaries and expatiations we had set, but she knew the consequences and we were reasonable with our punishment and so because of that I think Kayla developed with a pretty good moral compass and still maintained a healthy social life. We were supportive and involved in school and so her positive academic record supports that. Even though my husband lost his job and we had to button down the finances we felt it was important to stay in the neighborhood and keep Kayla at her school because of its constructive environment. The move to a poorer-quality school in the middle of her high school years was just too big of a risk we weren’t willing to take.

I thought Kayla might develop a little more athletically because I was an athlete and we encouraged it early on, so that was a surprise that she dwindled away from organized athletics. Kayla’s music and fashion choices were greatly influenced by her friends I think.