I had issues mostly with curfew and wanting to go places my parents didn’t want me to that seemed pretty unreasonable to me (I felt that way then and looking back they still do now) in high school but those were resolved by the time I went into college. My parents always expected me to do well in school and I have both in high school and college. My friends have been pretty good and I have always been a really social person and although sometimes that was hard for my parents to understand they were relatively supportive both in high school and college. Romantic involvements were not usually a topic that I cared to share with them and they didn’t really ask about either in high school or college. If I brought someone for them to meet they were gracious and probably happy to at least have a face with the person I was choosing to spend my time with. I think now that I am older that has changed a little because we are both more open than we used to be. I can’t say there was a real noticeable difference in our relationships directly from high school to college but definitely over time, and especially because I have children, our relationships have grown and I now enjoy a closeness with both of my parents that I didn’t have before. Probably partly due to my desire to have and build that interaction because I see the great importance. My parents have become more open and feel the same way too.
I am pretty much the same personality and have a lot of the same interests as I did in high school (with some new added interests). I have always had a love for life and trying new things and enjoy spending time with people so that hasn’t changed. A change I see in myself is that I make good choices because I want to, not because I am told to or expected to. So I guess my level of personal responsibility has grown. It also goes a little bit with Perry’s theory of epistemic cognition. I can see the change from dualistic thinking to relativistic thinking and how it benefits my life positively.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Kayla 18
Our parenting has proven to be a good balance of discipline and warmth. Kayla is very close to both of us, but of the two, she is closer to me. She seeks out our advice on important issues or questions that are a bit beyond her experience. Although she was no superstar athletically, she enjoys many physical activities.
Kayla got into a good college and will be moving away from home and into the dorms at the end of the summer. She had part time job over the school year and we hope she continues it over the summer. Socially she had normal arguments, stayed home for a short while, and then resumed her normal social activity. Recently, Kayla and a few friends took a road trip to check out some nearby monuments and national landmarks. They got lost a few times, and called me for advice. I asked if they had a map and they laughed and said "No!" They eventually bought a map and ended up having a good time. Overall she is emotionally a normal 18 year old girl with a positive outlook and excitement on things. Her senior year she took a psychology class and found her friends coming to her for help. One of Kayla's high school classes did an exercise that tested the kids' level of moral thinking. The exercise presented them with various scenarios and moral dilemmas that forced them to decide their course of action based on two morally difficult options. Kayla seemed to be particularly engaged in this topic, and gave me some of these scenarios over breakfast for a few days. She loved to debate the best course of action. All along Kayla did well in school, had good friends for the most part, and maintained her place positively in our household. I think because we were consistent and worked hard at our parenting from the beginning that it is no surprise that Kayla turned out successful so far.
We had sort of an authoritative approach with our parenting of Kayla and I think that is why she productively navigated through adolescence. We tried to openly discuss things and monitor where she was and who she was with. She had a few instances where she made choices counter to what boundaries and expatiations we had set, but she knew the consequences and we were reasonable with our punishment and so because of that I think Kayla developed with a pretty good moral compass and still maintained a healthy social life. We were supportive and involved in school and so her positive academic record supports that. Even though my husband lost his job and we had to button down the finances we felt it was important to stay in the neighborhood and keep Kayla at her school because of its constructive environment. The move to a poorer-quality school in the middle of her high school years was just too big of a risk we weren’t willing to take.
I thought Kayla might develop a little more athletically because I was an athlete and we encouraged it early on, so that was a surprise that she dwindled away from organized athletics. Kayla’s music and fashion choices were greatly influenced by her friends I think.
Kayla got into a good college and will be moving away from home and into the dorms at the end of the summer. She had part time job over the school year and we hope she continues it over the summer. Socially she had normal arguments, stayed home for a short while, and then resumed her normal social activity. Recently, Kayla and a few friends took a road trip to check out some nearby monuments and national landmarks. They got lost a few times, and called me for advice. I asked if they had a map and they laughed and said "No!" They eventually bought a map and ended up having a good time. Overall she is emotionally a normal 18 year old girl with a positive outlook and excitement on things. Her senior year she took a psychology class and found her friends coming to her for help. One of Kayla's high school classes did an exercise that tested the kids' level of moral thinking. The exercise presented them with various scenarios and moral dilemmas that forced them to decide their course of action based on two morally difficult options. Kayla seemed to be particularly engaged in this topic, and gave me some of these scenarios over breakfast for a few days. She loved to debate the best course of action. All along Kayla did well in school, had good friends for the most part, and maintained her place positively in our household. I think because we were consistent and worked hard at our parenting from the beginning that it is no surprise that Kayla turned out successful so far.
We had sort of an authoritative approach with our parenting of Kayla and I think that is why she productively navigated through adolescence. We tried to openly discuss things and monitor where she was and who she was with. She had a few instances where she made choices counter to what boundaries and expatiations we had set, but she knew the consequences and we were reasonable with our punishment and so because of that I think Kayla developed with a pretty good moral compass and still maintained a healthy social life. We were supportive and involved in school and so her positive academic record supports that. Even though my husband lost his job and we had to button down the finances we felt it was important to stay in the neighborhood and keep Kayla at her school because of its constructive environment. The move to a poorer-quality school in the middle of her high school years was just too big of a risk we weren’t willing to take.
I thought Kayla might develop a little more athletically because I was an athlete and we encouraged it early on, so that was a surprise that she dwindled away from organized athletics. Kayla’s music and fashion choices were greatly influenced by her friends I think.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
16 years 11 months
Kayla has done well in all of her math and science classes, and now really finds 11th grade physics to be quite interesting. It doesn’t surprise us since Kayla has really been capable of Piaget’s hypothetico-deductive reasoning for a while. She helped her school's team win first at the math competition this year, and she is planning to submit a project to the county science fair this year. We took her to visit friends and former college pals who work in math/science-related fields at their place of work in an effort to help Kayla get ideas about possible future jobs. Kayla is focused on studying and is starting to look into possible colleges where she might go. She is involved in student leadership and plays leadership roles in a couple of school clubs. She ended up with A’s and B’s this year and so she will be able to take AP Chemistry and AP Physics. Kayla can sometimes be a little self conscious, which could be a cognitive weakness, but it doesn’t seem to be an ongoing issue so we are keeping an eye on it but we aren’t too concerned.
Kayla has always had friends over the years and for the most part not really had any major issues. She’s a good student and likes to hang with her friends on the weekends, typical teen. Recently though, she got into a really vicious argument with a friend who made a play for her boyfriend and that friend is spreading insulting rumors about her. The rumors and revenge rumors continued for a couple of weeks and then died down, thankfully, because all the girls got bored talking and text-messaging about it. We were glad to see that pass with little residual damage to other friendships and they were able to mend things as well. Her report card noted that she had no problems with peers so that was a relief too.
We are glad to see Kayla developing and behaving as a ‘normal teen.’ She got her drivers license and a part time job. She has gone through a few things that tested us a parents like earlier when she had been dating someone for 2 months, we were a little worried when she said that she was in love and we were nervous that she might be having sex. We had a talk and stated our complete opposition to pre-marital sex and asked that she not go out with the boyfriend alone. She has gone through a few other relationships sense then. Also, we allowed Kayla to go out with some friends to a party on a Friday night. Around midnight, she called me to come pick her up. On the way home, I smelled alcohol on Kayla's breath. The next day she has a real doozy of a headache. I told her I was proud of her for being responsible enough to call instead of riding with a drunk driver or driving home herself. I also reminded her about the dangers of underage drinking. Another time Kayla came home from another party smelling of marijuana. When I ask about it, she was evasive and said, "I'll talk to you later about it." A day later, she admitted to having tried marijuana outside the house and where there were no parents monitoring the kids. We told her that we were glad she told us but that it was against our rules and that she was grounded for a week. So aside from those few times we really haven’t had that many issues and are grateful to see her on a good educational path to college and making better choices with friends.
Kayla has always had friends over the years and for the most part not really had any major issues. She’s a good student and likes to hang with her friends on the weekends, typical teen. Recently though, she got into a really vicious argument with a friend who made a play for her boyfriend and that friend is spreading insulting rumors about her. The rumors and revenge rumors continued for a couple of weeks and then died down, thankfully, because all the girls got bored talking and text-messaging about it. We were glad to see that pass with little residual damage to other friendships and they were able to mend things as well. Her report card noted that she had no problems with peers so that was a relief too.
We are glad to see Kayla developing and behaving as a ‘normal teen.’ She got her drivers license and a part time job. She has gone through a few things that tested us a parents like earlier when she had been dating someone for 2 months, we were a little worried when she said that she was in love and we were nervous that she might be having sex. We had a talk and stated our complete opposition to pre-marital sex and asked that she not go out with the boyfriend alone. She has gone through a few other relationships sense then. Also, we allowed Kayla to go out with some friends to a party on a Friday night. Around midnight, she called me to come pick her up. On the way home, I smelled alcohol on Kayla's breath. The next day she has a real doozy of a headache. I told her I was proud of her for being responsible enough to call instead of riding with a drunk driver or driving home herself. I also reminded her about the dangers of underage drinking. Another time Kayla came home from another party smelling of marijuana. When I ask about it, she was evasive and said, "I'll talk to you later about it." A day later, she admitted to having tried marijuana outside the house and where there were no parents monitoring the kids. We told her that we were glad she told us but that it was against our rules and that she was grounded for a week. So aside from those few times we really haven’t had that many issues and are grateful to see her on a good educational path to college and making better choices with friends.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Kayla 14-15
Kayla has been involved in different athletic activities over the years and so this year in high school she decided to try out for the softball team. She was a little disappointed that she didn’t make it, but her Aunt just moved into town and they love to play tennis together and she seems to be enjoying that. She is so busy traveling with the school choir we weren’t sure how she was going to be so involved, keep her grades up, and still have time for a little fun. Recently Kayla was invited to go camping with a close friend and her parents. She really had a great time and learned to use a compass to navigate in the woods.
Kayla occasionally gets upset and becomes cranky or gives us the silent treatment when we have discussions about issues such as bedtime, chores, curfew, clothing choices, music choices, etc., but otherwise we get along pretty well. We know we aren't going to get anywhere by continuing the discussion, so you drop it and let her calm down for a while before speaking to her again
Kayla had been working hard in 9th grade and had some good grades to show at the time of the first progress report. We are really proud of her and decided to go to dinner at her favorite restaurant to celebrate. She got her report card at the end of the semester and received good citizenship scores from all her teachers and A’s and B’s. Because of her high grades in math and science she is eligible for Honors Geometry and Chemistry for the 10th grade.
We have definitely hit the early adolescence stages. The other day Kayla came home upset about being teased and called flat-chested. Although she has a pretty healthy body-image, the next day she was asking me to buy her a push-up bra. She is also becoming interested in boys and she is noticing they are becoming interested in her. She also seems to be developing her own sense of morals. During a trip to a competition, students from one of the vocal groups at Kayla's school stole some trinkets from a store and they were caught. They were suspended from the vocal group. Kayla agrees with the punishment because they did not live up to the expectations of their parents, their coach or their teammates. This falls under Kohlberg’s moral stages, specifically stage 4, the social-order-maintaining orientation.
Kayla occasionally gets upset and becomes cranky or gives us the silent treatment when we have discussions about issues such as bedtime, chores, curfew, clothing choices, music choices, etc., but otherwise we get along pretty well. We know we aren't going to get anywhere by continuing the discussion, so you drop it and let her calm down for a while before speaking to her again
Kayla had been working hard in 9th grade and had some good grades to show at the time of the first progress report. We are really proud of her and decided to go to dinner at her favorite restaurant to celebrate. She got her report card at the end of the semester and received good citizenship scores from all her teachers and A’s and B’s. Because of her high grades in math and science she is eligible for Honors Geometry and Chemistry for the 10th grade.
We have definitely hit the early adolescence stages. The other day Kayla came home upset about being teased and called flat-chested. Although she has a pretty healthy body-image, the next day she was asking me to buy her a push-up bra. She is also becoming interested in boys and she is noticing they are becoming interested in her. She also seems to be developing her own sense of morals. During a trip to a competition, students from one of the vocal groups at Kayla's school stole some trinkets from a store and they were caught. They were suspended from the vocal group. Kayla agrees with the punishment because they did not live up to the expectations of their parents, their coach or their teammates. This falls under Kohlberg’s moral stages, specifically stage 4, the social-order-maintaining orientation.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Kayla 12 years 11 months
Kayla has definitely hit the t’ween years. She like to listen to music, she enjoys hanging out with her friends, she had a sleep over and the girls went toilet papering, and she has started showing an increased interest in boys, particularly various "hottie" rock stars or actors. It was interesting, the other day Kayla announced, "I'm too fat!" She has had a growth spurt, and was taller and leaner for a while at ages 10-11, but now her body has started changing and she is gaining weight in the hips, etc. She has taken to staring at herself in the mirror, and refusing to wear certain clothes that she thinks accentuate her "weight problem". I just listen sympathetically, and explain that girls sometimes gain a little weight during puberty, but that she should not worry about it and reminder her she really is such a beautiful girl.
Kayla seems to fall under the resilient category because according to the book a well adjusted child has an easy temperament, good parental relationship, good outside support system, and good community resources (school, extra activities) and Kayla applies to all of these. This is how Kayla has been over the most part of her life, with just a minor change for the better in consistently contributing to cooperative group activities and respecting the rights and possessions of others, and showing age-appropriate social interaction with peers.
Kayla is intrinsically motivated to do well in school which is helpful as a parent. Her oral reading, decoding, reading comprehension, spelling and writing skills are above grade level, and she is busy writing stories and experiences down into her journal. I still encourage any reading interests and provide praise and helpful feedback for Kayla's writing efforts. She is in the high achievers program at school and she got really good grades on her report card and is even going to be placed in an 8th grade level math for 7th grade. She also got a note of appreciation for her efforts from both the chorus teacher and the band director. She is doing so well in these areas and we just love to hear her play and sing. She is quite effective at time management, and highly consistent in working independently in the classroom and on homework. She has almost no problems completing assignments and turning them in on time and I think this has a lot to do with why she is so successful in school and life overall.
Kayla seems to fall under the resilient category because according to the book a well adjusted child has an easy temperament, good parental relationship, good outside support system, and good community resources (school, extra activities) and Kayla applies to all of these. This is how Kayla has been over the most part of her life, with just a minor change for the better in consistently contributing to cooperative group activities and respecting the rights and possessions of others, and showing age-appropriate social interaction with peers.
Kayla is intrinsically motivated to do well in school which is helpful as a parent. Her oral reading, decoding, reading comprehension, spelling and writing skills are above grade level, and she is busy writing stories and experiences down into her journal. I still encourage any reading interests and provide praise and helpful feedback for Kayla's writing efforts. She is in the high achievers program at school and she got really good grades on her report card and is even going to be placed in an 8th grade level math for 7th grade. She also got a note of appreciation for her efforts from both the chorus teacher and the band director. She is doing so well in these areas and we just love to hear her play and sing. She is quite effective at time management, and highly consistent in working independently in the classroom and on homework. She has almost no problems completing assignments and turning them in on time and I think this has a lot to do with why she is so successful in school and life overall.
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