Extra Credit

I had issues mostly with curfew and wanting to go places my parents didn’t want me to that seemed pretty unreasonable to me (I felt that way then and looking back they still do now) in high school but those were resolved by the time I went into college. My parents always expected me to do well in school and I have both in high school and college. My friends have been pretty good and I have always been a really social person and although sometimes that was hard for my parents to understand they were relatively supportive both in high school and college. Romantic involvements were not usually a topic that I cared to share with them and they didn’t really ask about either in high school or college. If I brought someone for them to meet they were gracious and probably happy to at least have a face with the person I was choosing to spend my time with. I think now that I am older that has changed a little because we are both more open than we used to be. I can’t say there was a real noticeable difference in our relationships directly from high school to college but definitely over time, and especially because I have children, our relationships have grown and I now enjoy a closeness with both of my parents that I didn’t have before. Probably partly due to my desire to have and build that interaction because I see the great importance. My parents have become more open and feel the same way too.
I am pretty much the same personality and have a lot of the same interests as I did in high school (with some new added interests). I have always had a love for life and trying new things and enjoy spending time with people so that hasn’t changed. A change I see in myself is that I make good choices because I want to, not because I am told to or expected to. So I guess my level of personal responsibility has grown. It also goes a little bit with Perry’s theory of epistemic cognition. I can see the change from dualistic thinking to relativistic thinking and how it benefits my life positively.

Kayla 18

Our parenting has proven to be a good balance of discipline and warmth. Kayla is very close to both of us, but of the two, she is closer to me. She seeks out our advice on important issues or questions that are a bit beyond her experience. Although she was no superstar athletically, she enjoys many physical activities.
Kayla got into a good college and will be moving away from home and into the dorms at the end of the summer. She had part time job over the school year and we hope she continues it over the summer. Socially she had normal arguments, stayed home for a short while, and then resumed her normal social activity. Recently, Kayla and a few friends took a road trip to check out some nearby monuments and national landmarks. They got lost a few times, and called me for advice. I asked if they had a map and they laughed and said "No!" They eventually bought a map and ended up having a good time. Overall she is emotionally a normal 18 year old girl with a positive outlook and excitement on things. Her senior year she took a psychology class and found her friends coming to her for help. One of Kayla's high school classes did an exercise that tested the kids' level of moral thinking. The exercise presented them with various scenarios and moral dilemmas that forced them to decide their course of action based on two morally difficult options. Kayla seemed to be particularly engaged in this topic, and gave me some of these scenarios over breakfast for a few days. She loved to debate the best course of action. All along Kayla did well in school, had good friends for the most part, and maintained her place positively in our household. I think because we were consistent and worked hard at our parenting from the beginning that it is no surprise that Kayla turned out successful so far.

We had sort of an authoritative approach with our parenting of Kayla and I think that is why she productively navigated through adolescence. We tried to openly discuss things and monitor where she was and who she was with. She had a few instances where she made choices counter to what boundaries and expatiations we had set, but she knew the consequences and we were reasonable with our punishment and so because of that I think Kayla developed with a pretty good moral compass and still maintained a healthy social life. We were supportive and involved in school and so her positive academic record supports that. Even though my husband lost his job and we had to button down the finances we felt it was important to stay in the neighborhood and keep Kayla at her school because of its constructive environment. The move to a poorer-quality school in the middle of her high school years was just too big of a risk we weren’t willing to take.

I thought Kayla might develop a little more athletically because I was an athlete and we encouraged it early on, so that was a surprise that she dwindled away from organized athletics. Kayla’s music and fashion choices were greatly influenced by her friends I think.

16 years 11 months

Kayla has done well in all of her math and science classes, and now really finds 11th grade physics to be quite interesting. It doesn’t surprise us since Kayla has really been capable of Piaget’s hypothetico-deductive reasoning for a while. She helped her school's team win first at the math competition this year, and she is planning to submit a project to the county science fair this year. We took her to visit friends and former college pals who work in math/science-related fields at their place of work in an effort to help Kayla get ideas about possible future jobs. Kayla is focused on studying and is starting to look into possible colleges where she might go. She is involved in student leadership and plays leadership roles in a couple of school clubs. She ended up with A’s and B’s this year and so she will be able to take AP Chemistry and AP Physics. Kayla can sometimes be a little self conscious, which could be a cognitive weakness, but it doesn’t seem to be an ongoing issue so we are keeping an eye on it but we aren’t too concerned.

Kayla has always had friends over the years and for the most part not really had any major issues. She’s a good student and likes to hang with her friends on the weekends, typical teen. Recently though, she got into a really vicious argument with a friend who made a play for her boyfriend and that friend is spreading insulting rumors about her. The rumors and revenge rumors continued for a couple of weeks and then died down, thankfully, because all the girls got bored talking and text-messaging about it. We were glad to see that pass with little residual damage to other friendships and they were able to mend things as well. Her report card noted that she had no problems with peers so that was a relief too.

We are glad to see Kayla developing and behaving as a ‘normal teen.’ She got her drivers license and a part time job. She has gone through a few things that tested us a parents like earlier when she had been dating someone for 2 months, we were a little worried when she said that she was in love and we were nervous that she might be having sex. We had a talk and stated our complete opposition to pre-marital sex and asked that she not go out with the boyfriend alone. She has gone through a few other relationships sense then. Also, we allowed Kayla to go out with some friends to a party on a Friday night. Around midnight, she called me to come pick her up. On the way home, I smelled alcohol on Kayla's breath. The next day she has a real doozy of a headache. I told her I was proud of her for being responsible enough to call instead of riding with a drunk driver or driving home herself. I also reminded her about the dangers of underage drinking. Another time Kayla came home from another party smelling of marijuana. When I ask about it, she was evasive and said, "I'll talk to you later about it." A day later, she admitted to having tried marijuana outside the house and where there were no parents monitoring the kids. We told her that we were glad she told us but that it was against our rules and that she was grounded for a week. So aside from those few times we really haven’t had that many issues and are grateful to see her on a good educational path to college and making better choices with friends.

Kayla 14-15

Kayla has been involved in different athletic activities over the years and so this year in high school she decided to try out for the softball team. She was a little disappointed that she didn’t make it, but her Aunt just moved into town and they love to play tennis together and she seems to be enjoying that. She is so busy traveling with the school choir we weren’t sure how she was going to be so involved, keep her grades up, and still have time for a little fun. Recently Kayla was invited to go camping with a close friend and her parents. She really had a great time and learned to use a compass to navigate in the woods.

Kayla occasionally gets upset and becomes cranky or gives us the silent treatment when we have discussions about issues such as bedtime, chores, curfew, clothing choices, music choices, etc., but otherwise we get along pretty well. We know we aren't going to get anywhere by continuing the discussion, so you drop it and let her calm down for a while before speaking to her again

Kayla had been working hard in 9th grade and had some good grades to show at the time of the first progress report. We are really proud of her and decided to go to dinner at her favorite restaurant to celebrate. She got her report card at the end of the semester and received good citizenship scores from all her teachers and A’s and B’s. Because of her high grades in math and science she is eligible for Honors Geometry and Chemistry for the 10th grade.

We have definitely hit the early adolescence stages. The other day Kayla came home upset about being teased and called flat-chested. Although she has a pretty healthy body-image, the next day she was asking me to buy her a push-up bra. She is also becoming interested in boys and she is noticing they are becoming interested in her. She also seems to be developing her own sense of morals. During a trip to a competition, students from one of the vocal groups at Kayla's school stole some trinkets from a store and they were caught. They were suspended from the vocal group. Kayla agrees with the punishment because they did not live up to the expectations of their parents, their coach or their teammates. This falls under Kohlberg’s moral stages, specifically stage 4, the social-order-maintaining orientation.

Kayla 12 years 11 months

Kayla has definitely hit the t’ween years. She like to listen to music, she enjoys hanging out with her friends, she had a sleep over and the girls went toilet papering, and she has started showing an increased interest in boys, particularly various "hottie" rock stars or actors. It was interesting, the other day Kayla announced, "I'm too fat!" She has had a growth spurt, and was taller and leaner for a while at ages 10-11, but now her body has started changing and she is gaining weight in the hips, etc. She has taken to staring at herself in the mirror, and refusing to wear certain clothes that she thinks accentuate her "weight problem". I just listen sympathetically, and explain that girls sometimes gain a little weight during puberty, but that she should not worry about it and reminder her she really is such a beautiful girl.


Kayla seems to fall under the resilient category because according to the book a well adjusted child has an easy temperament, good parental relationship, good outside support system, and good community resources (school, extra activities) and Kayla applies to all of these. This is how Kayla has been over the most part of her life, with just a minor change for the better in consistently contributing to cooperative group activities and respecting the rights and possessions of others, and showing age-appropriate social interaction with peers.


Kayla is intrinsically motivated to do well in school which is helpful as a parent. Her oral reading, decoding, reading comprehension, spelling and writing skills are above grade level, and she is busy writing stories and experiences down into her journal. I still encourage any reading interests and provide praise and helpful feedback for Kayla's writing efforts. She is in the high achievers program at school and she got really good grades on her report card and is even going to be placed in an 8th grade level math for 7th grade. She also got a note of appreciation for her efforts from both the chorus teacher and the band director. She is doing so well in these areas and we just love to hear her play and sing. She is quite effective at time management, and highly consistent in working independently in the classroom and on homework. She has almost no problems completing assignments and turning them in on time and I think this has a lot to do with why she is so successful in school and life overall.

Kayla 10

Kayla gets to go to a week long science camp away from home this year which is different and exciting for her. She remains a strong reader and mathematician, still working a grade level above. She is excelling with her music as well. We have seen so much improvement over the last few years as she masters the piano and flute. She is at grade level in her spelling, social studies and art. This is the same as she has been the last couple of years. Kayla is able to concentrate longer on tasks than at age 8.

Kayla had a serious fight with her best friend at the beginning of fifth grade and has not made up. She has been moody lately. Kayla is hanging out with a different group of friends at school, and there is some taunting going on between the two sides in the quarrel. Otherwise, Kayla gets along very well with most people, she is popular with other kids, and has a lot of social and other after-school activities. Kayla can be kind of a tomboy sometimes, and says she wants to ride her bike to the school grounds after school. She also wants to go on weekends and hang out there with one or two friends. She likes to play whiffle ball or basketball with the neighborhood boys and one or two other girl-friends. Overall she seems to be doing well socially and we try to encourage good friendships and play time on the weekends.

Since preschool we have slowly tried to give Kayla more responsibilities at home and she is doing well with it. It seems to be helping her mature so quickly sometimes I find myself wondering where my little girl has gone. In the book it talks about how reasoning with children at this stage is more effective and that communication between parent and child and joint decision making can help positive growth and learning of life skills. We provide praise when Kayla sticks with a chore or completes the homework in one sitting. Her teacher says she consistently works independently, listens attentively, and follows directions and classroom rules at school.

Kayla 8 years, 11 months

Kayla continues developing into a wonderful girl. She does very well in reading and language arts at school. Also, she is in the 4th grade math group even though she is in 3rd grade and seems quick with computations. Her favorite subject is still science and so she has joined an after-school science camp right on the school campus. Kayla also enjoys drawing and designing things like houses, cars, airplanes, and likes to work with her hands building models or things out of clay, papier mache, or blocks. Sometimes she and her sister will come up with these elaborate creations out of basic household items like cardboard boxes and toilet paper tubes, and I enjoy saving items for them to create with. Kayla has also been taking piano for the last two years and now wants to be part of the instrumental music program at school so she chose a flute at the music store for her to try. She is still singing in the choir, busy girl but she chooses to be so involved in these activities and still gets her homework done. We had a psychologist interview her and do some intelligence tests on her over the summer. She was quiet and reserved with the examiner, and did not offer a lot of information spontaneously. She seemed a little nervous during the testing, particularly on the harder items, but remained cooperative and hard-working throughout the IQ and achievement testing. We found out that she is average and above average in word reading, reading fluency, phonological awareness and spelling. Kayla's scores on the Verbal portion of the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children (where 7 is one standard deviation below the mean, 10 is the mean and 13 is one standard deviation above the mean): Information (9), Vocabulary (10), Similarities (10), Comprehension (11). Her scores on the math concepts, math application problems, and math computation tests were well above average. The psychologist said that she should clearly be placed in 7th grade math, and possibly in a gifted math program, but he recommended further testing

We have noticed some of Kayla’s behavior fall into typical American gender role socialization like how well she ‘mothers’ her little sister or helps with the chores around the house. She likes to help me in the kitchen too. But she has some girlfriends that come over from time to time and I have noticed that most of her friends tend to be somewhat tomboyish although two of the girls do have older brothers. Kayla enjoys playing sports with the brothers, and sometimes Kayla will also play sports with some of the neighborhood boys. I think this is ok because she seems to be well balanced and it is the same way I was raised.

Kayla has been participating in softball and soccer and we finally got that puppy she has been asking for. She has a real sense of what is expected of her at home and at school, and follows the rules quite well. She gets along well with Mom, Dad and sister, and seems to have good friends at school, in after-school activities and other situations. Kayla's best friend is also a real likeable kid so we figured this was the right time for the enjoyment and responsibility of a pet. We got Max from the neighborhood animal shelter! It's a poodle/terrier mix and we are all having a lot of fun with him. We took Max to obedience school, and Kayla participates and proudly shows off the dog's tricks to anyone who will watch. Kayla and her sister love taking Max to the park. Even though it is still the middle of summer, we went shopping for school supplies and some school clothes. It will also be Kayla's 9th birthday in a couple of weeks and we have been preparing for a party of a dozen kids at a family fun center that has go-karts, video games, prizes, and expensive pizza. We remind Kayla how lucky she is to be raised in a family that can provide her with so many opportunities and that our socioeconomic status (our education, jobs, and income) provide her with these opportunities. We aren’t affluent by any means but can allow our children access to extra programs and athletics that have helped them develop into well rounded successful children. The U.S. has the highest percentage of extremely poor children (Berk, 49) and we just wanted our children to know that they are lucky to not be in that category and to continue to do well in school and their activities so they can be successful as well.

Kayla 6 years 11 months

Kayla loved kindergarten. Now she is in first grade and her baby sister is in preschool. Kayla had a really good friend she since we have been in the neighborhood move away and that was a tragedy for her. She tried to tell us she has no friends at school but we didn’t believe her and her teacher says she has many friends she plays with. I had the opportunity to work in her classroom and watch the children at recess. One thing I noticed during recess is that the boys were doing physical activities in fairly large groups and keeping the girls out. The girls were in small-groups or even just one-on-one. What little contact there was between the boys and girls was usually teasing or chasing. Kayla was able to play with both boys and girls, but mostly plays with girls. She is one of the most popular kids in her class and gets invitations to other children's homes for parties and other activities. She really has a good group of friends both at school and in the neighborhood and she gets along well with them. We have tried to encourage these friendships with more play dates at home on the weekends. Sometimes we will even go on an outing and allow her to bring a friend along. The only issue that has really come up with Kayla’s behavior is at school sometimes she will over-react to stressful situation and can become anxious, moody or slightly depressed. With encouragement, she usually seems to come out of it before the day end. We don’t see this really at home so we are just keeping an open line of communication with her teacher and trying to keep on top of it if the issue comes up. Kayla continues to be a big help with her sister. She models such good behavior for her and we are so proud of her.

Kayla continues to excel with her reading and language skills. She is able to hold her own in conversations with adults, and uses some surprisingly difficult words in her speech. She also is beginning to use this vocabulary in her writing for school Kayla learned the letters and their sounds very quickly in kindergarten, and started to read some easy rhyming books in the latter half of the year. In first grade, she really seems to be taking off, and is reading first and even second grade books. We continue to go on outings to museums, cultural centers, nature centers, etc. Sometimes, if Kayla has a particular interest in something, we'll buy a book from the museum shop to bring home and read it aloud together. Since Kayla already has good phonological awareness and has learned to decode, we figure the best thing would be to find fun and challenging new books for her to read with our help. Kayla is doing above average with first grade math - learning and understanding mathematical problem solving, understanding of data and number concepts - but her favorite subject seems to be science. We are so pleased with how well she is doing in school and so we will just continue to do what we are doing now, it seems to be working so why ruin a good thing.


Howard Gardner's multiple intelligences approach has additional domains such as musical ability. Kayla has always enjoyed listening to and making music and singing from a young age. Around 3ish we got an electronic keyboard and ever since she has played on it. We found a neighbor who teaches piano and so we have Kayla going to see her once a week for lessons. We like this teacher because she is teaching Kayla to read music, to use correct fingering on the piano as well as to sing some of the songs by sight reading of the notes. Piano and voice lessons all rolled into one - and best of all- Kayla seems to love it! We feel it is important to encourage this behavior as she enjoyed it at a young age and it just seemed a great age to take it to the next level. Sometimes Kayla cheats at games when she can get away with it. Sometimes when she gets caught, she gets upset and doesn't want to keep playing the game. We realize that Kayla hasn't developed a strong sense of morality at this age yet. We figure games are a good place to begin learning right and wrong, so we don't get upset, but we generally call her on the cheating and insist on playing by the rules.

Kayla 4 years 10 months

Kayla is developing into a little girl so quickly. With caring for the new baby we have noticed that our parenting styles differ between the two girls in regards to their ages. On top of the basic daily needs which they both have, there is so much we are working on to help Kayla develop to her best potential. We take her on outings to the zoo, park, or museum. We go for bike rides, walks around the block, or to the park to kick or throw the ball around. We read together all the time or Kayla will even look through her books on her own. One of her favorite things to do is play make believe with her dolls and the scenarios she comes up with are starting to get more complicated and intricate. She is amazing with the little games she comes up with when she is playing with her friends too. Kayla is getting so much better behaved in the restaurant setting. The rewarding for good behavior is working so we have started fading them out, but we still remind her about the rules and expectations of behavior we have and praise her about how wonderful she was. We may even try a long restaurant soon instead of just the quick ones. When Kayla misbehaves we let her know it is not appropriate and ask her if she knows what she did wrong and if she knows why it is wrong. She is usually does and is pretty compliant, but every once in a while we have to put her in a time out or have to take away what ever caused the problem. The other day, my partner was really stressed from work and lashed out at Kayla and even spanked her pretty hard for a really minor incident. Spanking isn’t something we typically do and so I had to have a talk with him and we worked things out, he even apologized to Kayla. We aren’t really working on any of these with the baby so because we have the two to compare we have really noticed the difference. I think a lot of our parenting styles come from our background of how we both grew up, we seem to model a lot of the same things we remember our parents doing and it is working so far, although balancing everything is still a daily challenge.

A few examples of Kayla’s cognitive growth from birth to now are her ability to read a few short words and write her name. She can name most of the letters on sight and shows an age-appropriate understanding of phonological awareness (like deciding whether two words started with the same sound, picking out the two words that rhymed from a list of three words). She also shows advanced ability to count, use numbers, understand quantitative relationships and classify objects. These are all things she was not doing as an infant.

Kayla’s personality is definitely blooming each day. She seems to be happy and overall pretty resilient. Her preschool teacher told us that she plays cooperatively with her friends, follows and understands playground and classroom rules, and seems to be able to avoid conflicts and arguments with peers. Sometimes she is reluctant to join in a game with children she doesn’t know. She also told us that Kayla is usually in a positive mood, and seemed to take ups and downs during the day in stride. Occasionally though she got upset by negative events or overly excited by positive events and rambunctious and needed to be calmed down by the teacher. She also said that Kayla works well independently which is a good skill for Kindergarten. That will be coming up soon; I can’t believe we are already at that point.

Kayla 3 years 10 months

Kayla is a big sister now and she is proud of it! She loves her new baby sister and likes to hold and rock her. She is a big help. Kayla is one of the most active children in her preschool class, and loves to ride her bike around and around the block. She is OK at playing catch, shooting mini-basketballs and kicking the mini-soccer ball but tends to get bored easily. We are working with her on this and it will be easier because we just bought our first house so she can play in the yard more.

Kayla likes to tell people about things she has done. We listen to her telling stories with great interest and ask questions to prompt her to fill in more interesting details. She is receptive to new words and phrases and has a very expressive vocabulary. Sometimes she likes to imitate the baby’s sounds back to her little sister which is cute but we try not to let her do it too much so it doesn’t affect her own language development.

Kayla brings such joy to our lives. Recently though we had a situation that scared us both where she started playing in the clothes racks at the department store and got lost. Someone that worked in the store found her and as we were franticly looking for her herd over the loud speaker "A little girl named Kayla has been found." Needless to say she was a little clingy the next few weeks and won’t ever do that again. Kayla is pretty cooperative and friendly, and able to focus well on tasks, but sometimes she is somewhat anxious and unsure of herself in basic social situations. She can be a bit clingy with her preschool teacher, and reluctant to join in some of the activities. But usually after some encouragement she will join in. Kayla has one or two special little friends in preschool and plays cooperatively and non-aggressively with them which we are happy with. I think we just need to have more play dates at home to encourage better friendships. I think Kayla falls in between the over controlled and resilient categories for personality types.